happy 2009 January 1, 2009
Posted by owlish in hearth & home, nature appreciation.Tags: poetry & prayer, seasonal change
2 comments
Open the backdoor and let the old year out.
Say out with the bad with a mighty shout!
Open the front door and let the new year in.
Let good health, wealth and happiness begin!~NYE tradition
2008 ended with a whimper for us. The good news is, Himself still has a job, as does everyone else at his company; the bad news is, everyone had to take a pay cut, effective immediately and continuing indefinitely through the new year.
Unfortunately, we were barely making ends meets as it was. My job is on hiatus until the end of March, when it will go full time again. I will need to find something temporary, as I would really like to go back to MP as soon as the spring season begins, especially since I was to be recommended as a group lead for the spring projects; I’d like to see how that position would pan out for me.
At any rate, our New Year’s eve celebration was quite subdued this year, due to the news Himself brought home. We stayed up and watched the NYE celebrations on the telly, kissed at midnight (”We are going to be fine, I know we will work this out,” said Himself as he looked deep into my eyes), and then we stayed up even later watching a comedy and reading. It was past 2AM when we finally tumbled into bed, yet I found myself waking only a few hours later, all sorts of worries churning in my mind.
The first day of the new year was overly warm (54 degrees F), which allowed us to accomplish some much needed yard work. After we raked and bagged, we attempted to fill in the rather large hole under our front stoop– compliments of Mrs. Skunk & child– with soil pilfered from the garden. I eventually found myself flat on my stomach on the damp earth, grubbing and shoveling with my trowel for all I was worth. The more soil I packed into the hole, the bigger the hole seemed to get, but at last it was filled in and all tamped down. We then worked on another hole near the garage.
Now freshly showered, hands slathered with salve and encased in cotton gloves (makes typing a bit of a challenge, I don’t mind telling you), I feel a sense of satisfaction with the day; although my worries from the wee morning hours have not left me completely, at least for now they are subdued.
winter solstice December 21, 2008
Posted by owlish in pagan path.Tags: poetry & prayer, seasonal change, winter solstice
add a comment
On this night so long, My Lady
Keep me in your loving care
I await the dawn, My Lady
And the Sun King who will bear
Light and warmth and love, My Lady
As He has in years before
Guide me to the dawn, My Lady
Solstice Night and ever more.
~Author Unknown
gift for myself December 2, 2008
Posted by owlish in pagan path.Tags: symbols & archetypes, the tarot
3 comments
It is absolutely rare that I ever buy anything extravagant, especially for myself. But I made an exception recently and bought myself a very special deck of tarot cards; The Illuminated Tarot.
This deck is of the original Rider-Waite images, however, they have been recolored– painted by Carol Herzer in her unique, mystical style; and now she offers them highlighted with iridescent paints, which makes them absolutely glow. This photo doesn’t even come anywhere close to showing how rich and lovely they look.
The color palette she used is striking– warm, brilliant and inviting as well as cool, meditative and calming, depending on the card. She creates glowing auras around people and objects, emphasizing their importance in the card’s symbolism. For some reason, this has made a huge difference for me in my understanding of certain cards. For instance, I finally GET that the 8 of Wands is about speed and direction and energy. And the Court Cards– finally these are people that I feel I can get to know; Carol’s painting gives them warmth and personality, they have become intriguing individuals to me.
This isn’t just a tarot deck, it is truly a work of art. And as much as I still feel guilty about the extravagance, I am so fascinated and enamoured with my deck that I am able to justify this lavish personal gift, and feel honored that I received it.
welcome december December 1, 2008
Posted by owlish in nature appreciation.Tags: poetry & prayer, seasonal change
add a comment
I have news for you;
the stag bells, winter snows, summer has gone,
Wind high and cold,
the sun low, short its courses, the sea running high,
Deep red the bracken, its shape lost,
the wild goose has raised its accustomed cry.
Cold has seized the birds’ wings;
season of ice, this is my news.
~ Irish, 9th century (author unknown)
first snow November 29, 2008
Posted by owlish in nature appreciation.Tags: deep thoughts, seasonal change
add a comment
It snowed last night for the first time this season. I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen, the past month has been so mild.
It was a heavy, wet snow, the night sky illuminated with what I call the “snow glow”– misty light everywhere, even though it’s dark out. This morning the snow was falling off the trees in clumps, everything is wet and dripping, melting already. I predict the snow won’t last through the weekend.
I have been hibernating all November it seems. Completely in my head, very little journaling of any kind, online or on paper, although I think about journaling. Can’t seem to get my thoughts organized, nor out of my head. Not obsessing or anything depressing, just very mellow and thoughtful. It seems it is the time of year for such activity. It’s all good.
welcome november November 1, 2008
Posted by owlish in nature appreciation, pagan path.Tags: poetry & prayer, seasonal change
comments closed
Grandmother Wisdom, open the door,
Grandfather Counsel, come you in,
Let there be welcome to the ancient lore,
Let there be welcome to the Winter of the Year.
In cold and darkness you are traveling,
Under crystal skies you will arrive,
May the blessed time of Samhain
Clarify the soul of all beings,
Bringing joy and wisdom to revelation.
From the depths to the heights,
From the heights to the depths,
In the cave of every soul.
~ Caitlin Matthews
recent dream October 28, 2008
Posted by owlish in pagan path.Tags: magical associations, new moon, personal power, symbols & archetypes
add a comment
Over the weekend I had a dream that had some very clear symbols revealed to me. Several people in the dream had symbols of power– I remember a white rectangle and an orange triangle. My symbol of power was an inverted blue triangle. This vivid image has really stayed with me and so I began exploring it’s meaning.
From about.com:
The alchemical/magical symbol for water is an inverted triangle, symbolizing downward flow. The downward pointing triangle is an ancient symbol of femininity, being a representation of female genitalia. One of the four alchemical elements, water has the properties cold and moist, and symbolizes intuition, the unconscious mind, and the enclosing, generating forces of the womb.
I made the water connection with the color blue, but forgot that I once knew the inverted triangle was a womb symbol. It’s also a trinity symbol… maiden, mother, crone.
According to Raymon Buckland in Signs, Symbols & Omens, the inverted triangle also represents the First Degree level in witchcraft and indicates the points kissed (breast, breast, genitals, back to breast) in the “Three-Fold Kiss” of the First Degree initiate. Also:
The triangle is the triad, a design frequently associated with the female principle (the square is associated with the male principle). It ties in with the three aspects of the Goddess– Maiden, Mother, Crone– and concerns the Trinity. It was sacred to the ancient Egyptian Trinity of Isis, Osiris and Horus; to the Indian Trinity, or Trimurti, of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva; and to the Greek Artemis, Selene, and Hecate. The Greek letter D, or delta, is a triangle and is described as “the letter of the vulva,” and also as the “Holy Door.” The Jewish tradition of triangular hamantaschen for Purim was almost certainly adopted from the ancient Egyptian custom of making triangular cakes for public rituals. In numerology, the number three, the number of the triangle, is ruled by Jupiter.
From Barbara Walker’s Woman’s Dictionary of Symbols & Sacred Objects regarding the inverted triangle:
Yoni Yantra. The Sanskit word yantra means a meditation sign. Like a shorthand sign form of the mandala, it is intended to convey spiritual insight to those who sit still and contemplate it. This “yantra of the yoni” was one of the oldest and most meaningful, representing the pubic area of a woman’s body and many philosophical concepts centering on this reality: creation, birth, love, motherhood, sexual attraction, fulfillment, cyclic time, kundalini force, the mystery of conception, the Goddess within, the Shakti, and so on.
The more I read, the more this symbol becomes more and more personally meaningful to me. No wonder it was sent to me as a symbol of power.
friendship levels October 19, 2008
Posted by owlish in ties that bind.Tags: deep thoughts, former friends, friendship
2 comments
As Scarlett always said, “Tomorrow is another day,” and it is true. While I am no closer to understanding the ins and outs of relationships with others, I am no longer feeling so low about it.
What I have puzzled out is that I don’t have any relationships right now that I consider friendships, although I have called them that. But I agree with Beweaver who said (in comments), “Frankly I want to call someone when I need them, day or night and visa versa. I want someone to consider me the person they come to with their life and I will do the same. That is reasonable. It is what I consider a close friendship.” I agree, this seems reasonable to me as well, it always has.
While I have had some wonderful conversations with Kat, she is not someone I feel that I can call at any time– and especially not late at night. Nor does she feel this way about me, evidently, or I would have heard from her about this recent turmoil she’s gone through. Our friendship is a rather strange dance and I’m not quite sure I understand the steps. While we have shared a few deeply personal experiences, we are not close. While we have many, many interests in common, we don’t see each other or do things together very often. While we always have much to talk about, she doesn’t call me to chat, and I rarely call her; when I do, it usually feels awkward, as if I’m interrupting her life. I would call her an aquaintance, yet at times we’ve been closer than that. Casual friendship? Close aquaintance? It is a very odd situation.
Other than Kat, everyone else I’m in contact with right now falls in the aquaintance category. Perhaps I am going through a cycle– I have had 6 years or so of being quite social, sometimes against my will, as FF1 & FF2 were always pushing my boundaries. When our relationship ended, I was swept up in another wave of being social with my circle. Now that has ended, and I am returning to my solitary roots. Perhaps this is just where I need to be.
low October 17, 2008
Posted by owlish in ties that bind.Tags: depression & anxiety, former friends, friendship, trust issues
3 comments
I saw the moon tonight, finally. Already a bite has been taken out of it, its waning fast…
I am feeling quite low tonight, a variety of reasons. Trying to make sense of this thing called friendship, that is not feeling like friendship to me. But perhaps I am just over sensitive or paranoid or expect too much. I honestly have no sense of what are proper expectations in friendships and what aren’t. I shared everything with FF1 & FF2 and we had absolutely no boundaries and that wasn’t healthy. We loved and hated and laughed and raged on a large scale. Merry didn’t want to hear anything personal, she wanted it all surface level. If you had problems, take ‘em to a shrink, that’s not what your friends are for. Kat says she considers me one of her closest friends, yet I haven’t heard from her since the autumn equinox until we were both at our monthly group tonight. Then I find out some major things have occurred, the kind of stuff I thought friends called each other for support about, but I’ve heard nada about it until tonight when she said, “I’ve left the college. I’ll tell you about it sometime.” What, she couldn’t make a phone call? We scheduled, yes, scheduled, some time together next Wednesday to talk about it.
I just don’t understand friendships and right now I feel too tired to try to puzzle it out.
It occurs to me that maybe none of these people ever truly fit in the category of friend… but then who does? And how do you find those people?
Sometimes I think the answer is just to keep everything surface level, and never go deeper than that. Yet I always seem to offer more eventually, because it seems like the direction the relationship is heading… and then I find that I misjudged.
Obviously I’m supposed to be learning something from these types of relationships, because they keep coming around. But I’m missing the point, whatever it is.
Not liking life too much tonight. Sleep will help, I hope. Better perspective tomorrow maybe.
interaction October 15, 2008
Posted by owlish in hearth & home.Tags: depression & anxiety, full moon, herbs
add a comment
Today was a bit of a frightening day. Actually it began last night, but for the most part, I was too sleepy to even realize what was happening. I took a new herbal mutli-vitamin supplement with dinner last night, and something in it seems to have had an adverse reaction with one of my medications.
I remember rolling over in bed last night which sent the entire world spinning and swinging around me and I remember thinking to myself, “Hold on, hold on…” It wasn’t until this happened several times that some part of my foggy mind realized something might be wrong and even then, I couldn’t wake up enough to have a coherent thought of what might happening. When I woke early this morning I still felt woozy, but it wasn’t until I stood up and started walking to the bathroom that the floor around me began to swing like a pendulum. It was if I’d lost all sense of balance.
I checked the labels of the vitamins again (I had checked them at the store) for St. John’s Wort. That is one my doctor has warned me about many times and I’ve been careful. No St. John’s Wort listed. But I hadn’t thought that perhaps there might be another herb that would be a problem, they all sound so innocent: stinging nettle, horsetail, organic spirulina, pine bark extract, ginko biloba, green tea, bilberry, hawthorn berry, ginseng, alfalfa, red clover, dong quai, bromelin. Stupid, stupid, stupid of me.
Internet research into possible herb/medication interactions revealed very little– one source said ginko biloba was bad to mix with my particular meds, but another source said it could be beneficial. A call to my doctor about interactions revealed absolutely nothing. I’m to continue taking my regular medications and discontinue the multi-vitamins. If it is something in the vitamin that caused this reaction, it should work its way out of my system over 24 hours or so. If I haven’t improved by tomorrow, I’m to go in to the doctor’s.
This is frustrating to me; I want to know what is happening to me, what is causing this and why. If it is a particular herb that is the problem, I’d like to know which one so that I can avoid it without having to be afraid of every herb out there, dammit. This also make me realize more than ever how trapped I feel by my medications and how I long to quit taking them.
I have slowly begun to feel better over the course of the day, but still must move slowly and carefully and am a bit shaky. So no full moon festivities for me. In fact, I’ve not seen the moon for so long due to cloudy skies at night that it is hard to believe the full moon is even here.
